Feeling Discouraged

I try to be as open as reasonable (maybe even more open than reasonable) on the blog, mainly because I think too often all everyone talks about is how sparkly their lives are, and that can leave many people wondering why their life just seems to have the occasional glimmer. Solidarity, folks.

And right now, I’m feeling pretty darn sparkle-free.

I had my surgery 17 days ago today. I’ve talked with numerous people who said they were up and at ’em after their surgery after just a couple of days. I am most definitely neither up nor at ’em. The incisions are mostly healed, but my insides feel anything but. Still hurts when I move the wrong way, and my digestive track feels like it’s decided to give its two week notice. Sometimes it’s a pretty sharp pain. Less than right after the surgery (that was almost unbearable, though I’ve found it’s surprising just what you can bear when you have literally no other choice). Now, it’s maybe half that, which seems like it should be easy peasy, except maybe I did a bad job explaining how bad things hurt right after.

Energy levels are low, but I’m struggling to sleep consistently. Some of this might still be jet lag, but I think it’s more due to the fact that I’m uncomfortable enough that I just wake up at night. I’m lucky if I can sleep until 5:30am, and falling to sleep takes some time as well. I used to sleep on my stomach, but I would be a complete idiot to do that now, because it would just hurt.

I’ve talked to my doctor, and I’m going in to be seen as soon as they have an opening (Tuesday). They’ve said the fact that I have no fever and that my digestive track is working are all great signs. I’ve got an appetite. No nausea. No signs of infection. All good. They’ve said that sometimes this kind of surgery can take a while to get over. It didn’t help that my appendix had ruptured. That makes the recovery time longer.

Meanwhile, I’m here at home with Ferris. I’ve gone in to work some, on the theory that getting back into a routine would be helpful. It hasn’t really worked. I’ve gone home each day, and I’m just tired. Ferris needs to be walked, so I’ve been doing that (something the doctor also recommended). I generally go pretty slowly, but it all makes me feel old. Worn out. It would be really nice to have Denisa and the fam here, but they’re in Slovakia for another nine days. This appendicitis pretty much couldn’t have picked a worse time to come.

And now I feel like I’m just moaning and complaining, and I guess I am, but I think I’ve earned a bit of that. I’m trying to keep in mind how I felt before the surgery, and then right after the surgery, and I am most definitely better now than I was then. So that’s progress.

I just wouldn’t mind if the progress chose to speed itself up a fair bit . . . I love watching movies and playing video games, but I’m discovering there are limits to that love, especially when there’s little else I can do.

Anyway. Thanks for listening, and wish me luck.

3 thoughts on “Feeling Discouraged”

  1. Pretty miserable with a much longer recovery than ideal and so very much not the summer you had envisioned (if that isn’t the case, you may need counseling of some kind). Praying the pace of recovery picks up considerably and that somehow this experience becomes the catalyst for something positive – part of a new book plot, the perfect curse for an antagonist, or maybe simply a soft heart toward others who experience suffering of whatever kind. Empathy is powerful. 💙

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