Memories of High School

Last night the wife was working, as she has been known to do. This means I’m in charge of the kids and the house while she’s upstairs locked in the office. (Or what we call the office, at any rate.) Once I have everyone fed and in bed, this also means that I can watch a movie or tv show of my choice. Twist my arm. I usually take this opportunity to watch something I know the wife has no desire to see whatsoever. Last night’s movie of the evening was Jurassic Park III.

Now I know what you’re wondering: why, if I have all sorts of movies to choose from, did I settle on this one? Well, I have fond memories of the original Jurassic Park, and I’ve blocked the second one from my memory, which means that I figured it was worth a shot. Plus, it was short. Always good if a movie’s iffy. When I saw the first movie, it was a big deal. Spielberg and dinosaurs. I remember going with my two good friends Nikki and Becky. Nikki spent the entire movie chewing the heads off of Gummi Bears, and Becky watched the whole thing through her hands, as I recall. Or was that me? In any case, I think I hyperventilated most of the film. It was intense, and I was an Impressionable Age. What can I say? So maybe part of me wanted to relive that experience last night.

Didn’t happen. The movie was a let down over all. (And by the way, can I just say that the TNT “HD” version I DVRed was woefully lame? It was a stretched pan and scan, which didn’t do much to help me like it any more than I would have anyway. Seriously Ted Turner. What’s your problem? Cough up some extra cash and get the real widescreen versions on your lousy HD stations. Ridiculous.) Anyway–the film just seemed to be treading water, giving one excuse after another to have its human characters attacked by various types of dinosaurs. It was like there was a checklist of dinos they wanted to include. T-Rex? Check. Spinosaurus? Check. Raptors? Check. L-A-M-E? Check. When the script calls for a couple extraneous characters, just so they can be killed off early on . . . you know you’re in for a let down. (Also on a side note, they cast “The Other Mr. Noodle” from Elmo’s World as one of the guides that gets a grisly death. The thought of my son–who loves dinosaurs–ever watching this film leaves me in a cold sweat. He’d be mentally scarred for life.

Anyway, long story short (too late, I know), I’d give the film one and a half stars. Some cool effects, but effects do not a better rating give. I DVRed the original at the same time I grabbed this one from TNT. Maybe that one will do better for me. If I can stomach more of the faux-HD.