Who Won the Vice-Presidential Debate?

First of all, I’d like to thank each of you for coming to my blog today. I realize there are a lot of different things out there that you could be reading, and it means the world to me that you’d choose to spend some of your busy life to read the thoughts and feelings I have about life, the universe, and everything. And there’s a whole lot of “everything” going on in the world these days, isn’t there? So many topics we could talk about. Wildfires. Taxes. Pandemics.

It can be bewildering, trying to sift through all these myriad different opinions. That’s why I think it’s important to really take a close, analytical look at those issues that are important to the American voter.

It reminds me, actually, of what it was like for me growing up. A young boy in America in the 80s. I remember having to do homework, even though all I really wanted to do was play video games. But eventually I had to realize life wasn’t all about video games. It was about something that’s more important. It was about the direction this country is heading.

Who won the vice-presidential debate? That’s an excellent question. And to really get at the heart of the question, we need to dig deep. Deep into the history and context of our wonderful nation. A nation that will no doubt return to greatness once we’re through with this election. But how, precisely, will we be able to heal the great divide that exists today?

You can look at any number of statistics out there that will back up each and every argument I’m making in this blog post. I’ve got enough numbers to make a math teacher go cross-eyed. Sort of like I felt when I was in school, reading about a train going north at 90 km/h while a truck full of carrots was driving east at 55 mph on a clear day into a headwind of 5 knots. You don’t get to answer tricky questions like that without knowing a whole lot about what makes carrots so important to a daily diet.

And I know how to answer questions. Directly. Succinctly. In a way that leaves no doubt in the mind of the American voter that what I was talking about had many syllables. You see, it isn’t enough to just answer the question that was asked. You need to understand its context to really be able to dig into the meaning behind the question. And that’s where America is right now, isn’t it? Behind?

Behind in so many different areas. All of which can be placed directly at the feet of the loser of the debate, who (if they were allowed to enact their damaging policies) would only drive us further behind the rest of the world. But thankfully, my presidential candidate is ready to ignore all those different policies and problems and instead focus on what Americans really want to know:

Who won the vice-presidential debate?

So to conclude, I’d like to reiterate the many ways in which the loser lost and the winner won. The loser lost not just by espousing terrible ideas, but by being such an incredible loser to begin with. Supporting wrong-headed beliefs since the day they were born, whereas the winner won with flying colors, many of them unrelated to anything that actually came up as a topic in last night’s vice-presidential debate.

Thank you, once again, for your time, and God bless America.

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