I know–I know. You all are getting sick about hearing about my book and what’s going on with it. At times I feel like a total suit, trying my best to jam all this stuff down your collective throats. And I’m sorry if it’s coming off that way. It’s not my intent. But my blog is here to talk about the things that are going on in my life at the moment, and as of this second, my book is taking up the majority of that.
So deal. 🙂
I haven’t really been nervous until the last little bit. I knew the book was coming out, and I knew that there would be some excitement around it. But that’s all it really was–excitement. Now? The nerves are starting to kick in more than they have in the past.
What if it tanks? What if no one likes it? What if I never get another book published again? All these self-doubts start creeping in, and there seems to be little I can do to exorcise them. The thing is, a lot of being a writer is learning to ignore the self-doubts. You write something, and as the words are flowing onto the paper, you doubt they’re any good. Then you read them over, and hey–they’re not too bad. Then it comes time for your writing group to read it, and you doubt once again if any of them will like it. And yes, they have some issues, but they point those out, and you fix them, and then you’re back to feeling like your book is looking good again.
Until you send it to agents or editors. And of course that causes you to doubt yourself all over again. You look at published authors, and you think it must be so easy for them. They’re published. They know they’re good. Well, they might think they do–until it’s time for reviews. And after reviews come actual people buying your actual book. What if they don’t like it?
The farther into this process I get, the more I think that the self doubt never ends. Depressing, isn’t it? Because even if your first book sells like hotcakes, who’s to say your second will. (Or, worse yet, what if your first only sells so-so?) There’s always something to worry about. Grass is always perfect the next lawn over. But then you get there, and the next yard looks even better. And so on and so on.
I’ve been busy the last week or so. Really busy. Because this isn’t all I do. I also have this thing called a full time job, and a family, and church responsibilities. And Vodnik isn’t my only book–I’ve got a new one my agent will hopefully be shopping around in the not too distant future. But on top of all that, I’ve been answering interview questions, obsessively checking to see if Amazon has the book available to order yet, and worrying about if I’m bugging all of you too much with info about my book.
I know I should be more Zen like in my approach. And I try to tell myself that on a daily basis. But I’ve been waiting for this for so long, wanting this . . . it’s hard to take it all and stay calm.
(And here it is once again–if you’re looking for ways to support Vodnik, check out this post.)
Any published authors out there want to chime in with some words of wisdom?