Movie Review: GI Joe (or, All We Need is VENGIL)

Just got back from the movie, and I thought I’d get my review out there sooner rather than later–especially since they didn’t allow the movie to screen for many critics, so there might be a good chance some of you out there are debating whether or not to go see GI Joe this weekend. Allow me to answer your question.

Go Joe!

(Sorry, couldn’t resist.)

Look–it should come as a huge surprise to any of you that this movie is not high brow cinema. It’s based on a line of toy aimed at 10 year old boys. But as far as movies go that are aimed at making me feel like a 10 year old boy again, this one was pretty near perfect. It’s got anything and everything you could ask for: violence, explosions, ninjas, and girls in leather. I mean, just about anything is better with violence, explosions, ninjas, and girls in leather (VENGIL from now on), right? I mean, think about it. Take Fried Green Tomatoes, and add a good dose of VENGIL. Voila! A movie any American boy would love. The Notebook? Just add VENGIL, and watch the magic happen. Beaches is dying for some VENGIL. So is pretty much any movie with Hugh Grant.

(Please note: I think this goes without saying, but if you don’t like VENGIL, you won’t like this movie.)

GI Joe is over the top. There are explosions around every corner. The laws of physics do not apply to this movie. Neither do plots that can’t be solved with gratuitous VENGIL. How was the acting? Well, Marlon Wayans wasn’t entirely annoying 100% of the time. It made me feel like I was watching a cartoon. So–mission accomplished.

I think I might go see it again. 🙂

Dear Mr. Michael Bay: please take notes for how to do an 80s cartoon adaptation. This movie blew Transformers out of the water. Stephen Sommers (the guy who actually made a watchable Huck Finn movie–I’m speaking as an expert here, folks)–I salute you! Three and a half stars. If you had put in the theme song, I would have given you four.

2 thoughts on “Movie Review: GI Joe (or, All We Need is VENGIL)”

  1. Ditto
    I really enjoyed it too. I said the same thing to my brother-in-law (who I saw it with)- it felt like we were watching a live action cartoon. It was completely over the top (in a good way.)
    I also agree about the lack of the theme song. Surprising. How hard would it have been to at least make a techno version and play it during the credits?

  2. Re: Ditto
    I actually stayed through the whole credits, hoping against hope for that techno version. With a really good thumping base, and maybe a digitized “go Joe” thrown in now and then for good measure. It wouldn’t have taken that much to make me happy. Then again, at least they didn’t have something lame–like a Jonas Bros. cover of the theme song or something.

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