Adventures in Roofing

A month or two ago, a shingle flew off our roof. Well, it didn’t literally fly–shingles can’t do that, you know. But it was blown by the wind. And so I took out the trusty binoculars and peered up at the place it had left empty, and I decided that it looked okay. There was another layer of shingles beneath that, so . . . fine. Then, to be thorough, I went up the to attic to see if it dripped at all while it rained. It didn’t. Problem solved.

Then, a few days ago, it was pouring. Really coming down. And I remembered that shingle, so I went up to the attic again, this time to find a steady stream of water coming in through the roof. In four places. Nice.

No problem, says I. I’ll grab me a hammer, some spare shingles and a few nails, and I’ll fix it myself. Not in the rain–that would have been stupid, and I don’t like to get wet, anyway. No–I’d wait until the next sunny day, which happened to be two days later. DKC picked up some roofing nails, and I got home from work and embarked on my Chore.

Problem Number One: We don’t have a ladder.

No problem, says I. I have a step ladder, and I’ll just clamber on top of that and then . . . still not high enough. So I got inventive and found a wood pallet, climbing from the step ladder to the pallet to the roof. I was up. I got the shingles, the hammer, the nails and

Problem Number Two: I don’t have a tool belt.

No problem, says I. I shall use a shopping bag. Feeling like MacGuyver, I had DKC go get me one (because I wasn’t getting off the roof just yet–I didn’t know how long that pallet would hold out). I stuck all the tools inside and started clambering up to the top of the first roof. (We have three sections to our house. The middle one is low enough to get onto fairly easily. The leak was in the highest one.)

Problem Number Three: My sneakers were too old. No traction.

No problem, says I. I shall have my trusty wife fetch me my boots. (Always wait to embark on a Chore of This Magnitude until you have a trusty wife nearby.) A bit later, my boots firmly affixed to my feet, I was climbing around with no trouble. Up up up to the top of that roof, and then–

Problem Number Four: I looked down.

This could be a problem, says I. Because this roof is much higher up than it looked from the ground, and the higher roof is, well . . . higher. But I’m this far up now, so I might as well keep going. I climb up to the next roof.

Problem Number Five: The pitch of the higher roof is steeper than the roof I was on.

My boots no longer have traction. Hmm . . . I have the trusty wife go get me my new sneakers, which have new soles, which should have better traction. Another shoe switch later, and–still no traction.

It’s at this point that I look up at the hole, still far off, with a steep drop to a broken neck right below it. And then I look at my sneakers, my boots, the shopping bag, my tools, my other sneakers, the pallet, the step ladder and my trusty wife. And I come to a Decision.

There are things in life that are worth risking a broken neck for. A leaky roof is not one of them, and neither is my pride.

Anyone know of a good roof repairman? 🙂