How I Treat Myself as a Boss

Bluntly put, if I were my own boss, I’d quit. Does that make sense? What I mean to say is that if my real boss treated me like I treat myself when it comes to my writing life, I don’t think I’d last very long at a real job. I make myself work six days a week. No vacations. No sick days. Hardly any excuses. I had a splitting migraine and was throwing up for half of Saturday, and I still felt guilty that I hadn’t gotten any writing done that day. Guilty enough that I wrote extra on Monday and Tuesday to try and stave off the feeling somewhat.

Why do I do that to myself?

Well, part of it is that I just love to write. There’s certainly something to be said for being able to do what you love. And I know that if I don’t force myself to write, then it likely just won’t happen. I have a lot of other things to do, and so without the pressure to write, I’d just let it slack off. I mean, I like to do a lot of things I don’t get to do on a regular basis. Play board games, read more, go out to the movies, fish, hike. Why don’t I get to do them? I don’t make time for them. I really don’t want writing to be added to that list.

And so I drag myself out of bed an hour early every day and force myself to sit in front of that screen until 1,000 words are written. I take my iPad with me on vacations so that I can keep the writing going there. And that’s all very good. I’m proud of how much writing I’m able to accomplish. But I can’t help thinking I ought to be to the point now where I can not write *sometimes* and not feel guilty about it.

Way back when I started my daily goal, I had to write every day, or I really did stop writing. Aren’t I at the point now that it’s ingrained enough into me that I’ll do it even if I take a sick day or a vacation now and then? And in my defense, I *have* taken a few sick days and vacations–it’s just that I still felt guilty while doing so.

When I’m sick and stay home from my real job, or when I go on vacation, I’ll tell you one thing: I don’t feel guilty. Maybe if there’s a huge deadline, and I just can’t make it to work, then I’ll feel bad. But if I’m not missing anything vital? I just lie in bed and let myself be miserable. Maybe I should work out some sort of a contract with myself. X number of sick days per month. X number of vacation days.

But something’s telling me that’s a tad overkill.

Maybe I ought to unionize . . .

Categories: writing advice | October 11, 2012 4:31 pm

4 Comments

By Rachael, October 11, 2012 @ 4:37 pm

That’s how I am with running. I am MISERABLE if I haven’t run yet, because I feel horribly guilty. I can tell you the number of runs I have “missed” in the last two years (actually, I can count them on one hand). It’s obsessive to the point that I ran 5 miles before giving birth and then 4 miles 5 days after. As fast as I could.

I force myself to take two days off every week–Sunday and Thursday. Maybe you should designate a couple of writing-free days and just block them out on your calendar to give yourself a guilt-free pass.
By Unknown, October 11, 2012 @ 6:15 pm

I have been thinking lately about doing the set number of vacation days and set number of sick days thing for us. I think it would help us to actually take vacations, for example. We’ve been really bad at that these last few years.
By Unknown, October 11, 2012 @ 6:15 pm

Ugh. Your blog hates me. That was Janci.
By Bryce Moore, October 15, 2012 @ 6:51 pm

Rachael–Yeah–I take Sundays off. It would probably be in my best interests to give myself another day off, but the inertia I have to overcome to get myself writing each day is sometimes too much as it is. Worried that if I gave myself more time, it would be even harder.

Janci–Being wholly self-employed would be very difficult for me, for exactly the reasons you’re bringing up.