Sometimes you set goals for yourself, not quite understanding their implications. “A beard that looks like I’ve been cosplaying Robin Williams in Jumanji” seems like such a straightforward goal. You just sit back and let nature take her course. Growing facial hair has never been a struggle for me. It still isn’t.
But dealing with that facial hair has proven to be more than I initially anticipated.
I don’t mind the heat much, since it’s still been plenty chilly here in Maine. (We had a couple of inches of snow the other day.) And I’ve never had the issues other people always cite for why they don’t like beards: it doesn’t itch. It doesn’t bother me. It doesn’t bug Denisa. It’s just been fine to have, and I like how I look more with a beard than without one. (For a while, the beard was a nice cover for a double chin I’d been developing. I have no idea if that double chin is still hiding somewhere in the jungle that is my face these days, but my BMI would tend to suggest it’s gone away . . .)
But eating with a long beard? That’s been the biggest difficulty. Sure, I could trim back the mustache area, but that’s not really following the spirit of the goal, is it? Robin Williams wasn’t trimming his mustache in Jumanji, was he? No. He was running away from packs of lions and elephants and killer wasps as fast as his feet could carry him. I may be many things, but I am not, generally speaking, a quitter. Certainly not when it comes to goals.
However, let’s just say that my nightly cocoa banana shake has become . . . problematic. I’ve taken to carrying a handkerchief around with me so that I can wipe my beard down after every bite. It’s like I’m turning into some sort of dripping wet water buffalo, except instead of water, it’s cocoa banana shake. (How’s that for an image for you?)
The beard is now over 2.5 inches long, and it looks like I have at least a couple more weeks of quarantine before things might point to me heading back to my office. It’s not close to “braid it like Gimli” length yet, though if I end up being stuck at home through June or July, it might be.
Maybe I should just invest in a nice, reusable straw. That might deal with the milkshake problem . . .
Like what you’ve read? Please consider supporting me on Patreon. Thanks to all my Patrons who support me! It only takes a minute or two, and then it’s automatic from there on out. I’ve posted the entirety of my book ICHABOD in installments, and I’m now putting up chapters from PAWN OF THE DEAD, another of my unreleased books. Where else are you going to get the undead and muppets all in the same YA package? Check it out.
If you’d rather not sign up for Patreon, you can also support the site by clicking the MEMORY THIEF Amazon link on the right of the page. That will take you to Amazon, where you can buy my books or anything else. During that visit, a portion of your purchase will go to me. It won’t cost you anything extra.