humor

In Which I Discover the World-Shaking Truth About My Wife

Longtime readers know I love my wife. We’ve been together over thirteen years, after all. And after thirteen years, you’d think I knew everything there was to know about her. You’d think I’d know what to expect from her in just about every situation imaginable. So picture my surprise when I opened my drawer this morning to take a shower, and I discovered it. Incontrovertible proof of something that only became clear to me this morning. In that very instant. What was inside that drawer? What terrible, awful truth did it reveal? Clean laundry, my friends. Clean. Laundry. Not that […]

In Which I Discover the World-Shaking Truth About My Wife Read More »

Humor Impairment Awareness Drive

As we approach the holiday season, it’s important to take a moment and consider those less fortunate than ourselves. To reach out to the downtrodden. To lift up members of our community who might be dealing with struggles that make life much harder for them. And let’s face it: most charities do a wonderful job covering all your typical bases. These days, there’s a fund for just about anything. Except one thing. I’m speaking, of course, of the Humor Impaired. You see these people every day on the streets. At your job. Sitting next to you at church. People who

Humor Impairment Awareness Drive Read More »

In Which I Battle a Bat

I’ve been having a rough time falling asleep for the past while. so I’ve been making a concerted effort to go to bed earlier. Last night I was particularly proud of myself. It was 10:40, and I’d already stopped watching West Wing. So Denisa and I head off to brush our teeth and get ready for bed. On my way to the bathroom, I caught a flicker of movement in the corner of my eye. I turned to look at our enclosed front porch. Just as I was about to dismiss what I’d seen, I saw it again. And again.

In Which I Battle a Bat Read More »

On the New Monopoly Token

It’s comforting to see that in this day and age, with so many important things happening in the world, the news organizations can take the time to report on a company’s ad campaign with such in-depth coverage. Thanks, news people. Now I know that the iron finally got the boot, allowing the cat to finally have a dog in the fight. I’m looking forward to more cutting edge reporting in the future. Maybe we can finally get to the bottom of who really killed Mr. Body. I’ve heard so many different theories over the years. Colonel Mustard. Miss Scarlet. Billiard

On the New Monopoly Token Read More »

Bacon, Ruffles, and Milk Shakes Proven to be Miracle Cure

That’s right, folks. You read it here first. Bacon has finally be proven to fix just about anything that’s wrong with you. The trick, scientists say, is that you have to couple it with a precise blend of chocolate milk shakes and Ruffles potato chips. “No one’s quite sure why it has to be Ruffles,” Dr. Chondriac said in an exclusive interview with the author. “We tried Lays, Pringles, Wise, Utz–they all just made us put on about fifty pounds. But when the Ruffles, milk shake, and bacon hits your stomach? BAM! It’s like your body unlocks a cheat code. Pure awesome.”

Bacon, Ruffles, and Milk Shakes Proven to be Miracle Cure Read More »

×