humor

My Online Undead Will

I’m not sure about the legal ramifications of this document, but I’m pretty sure no lawyer would be willing to write up an official one (well, they’d doubtless be willing–but they’d also no doubt charge me for the opportunity). I’ve seen far too many zombie movies and read way too many zombie books for my own good, but in watching all of these movies, it seems quite clear that the sole reason a zombie apocalypse is able to really gain critical mass and take over the world comes down to one basic reason: People are stupid. Seriously. Everybody seems to […]

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Little Debbie Strikes Back

Now, don’t have to blame this all on Little Debbie. It’s certainly in the realm of possibility that it’s a coincidence my stomach is still roiling and severely unhappy a day after eating her offerings. I work in a public place. I also ate free sugar cookies yesterday (and too much pasta salad). It could have been the eggnog I downed when I got home. All I know is that I was fine yesterday, and then Little Debbie attacked me with her artificial offerings. It had to have been that brownie. Brownies aren’t supposed to be shaped like Christmas trees.

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Dear Little Debbie

I used to think you and I got along wonderfully. I know it’s been a few years since I paid you any attention. I’ve been too busy eating things like fruits and vegetables–or (more often) home baked goodies. But I remembered you with a certain fondness. You were sweet. Not necessarily Twinkies-sweet, and not up to par with my memories of Snow Balls, but I try to be forgiving. And then, my library had Little Debbie Day today. A whole smorgasbord of Little Debbie offerings, all laid out and ready for eating. I’d been looking forward to this day since

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Thoughts on the Royal Wedding: What I Wish Would Have Happened

Yes, I watched it this morning. I was up working on my writing anyway, so I figured why not. I can’t say I devoted my full attention to it, but then again it didn’t really seem like something you needed to have your whole attention for. I mean, there was a lot of singing and music and waiting and waving and smiling. Not exactly rocket science, and there wasn’t even a quiz afterward. What did I think? I think I’m really glad I wasn’t anywhere near London this morning. Certainly not near Westminster Abbey. Because if I was, I think

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I’m Thinkin’ Arby’s

The last time I ate at Arby’s–that I can recall–I was in Utah on summer vacation, hanging out with my cousins. At the time, Arby’s seemed ideal. Lots of meat, low price, and cool curly fries. I think I got something like 4 sandwiches and ate them all, and I enjoyed the fries. Mission successful. Of course, that was something like fourteen years ago, so apparently the mission wasn’t *that* successful, at least from an Arby’s marketing standpoint. But still, I remembered two basic things: roast beef and curly fries. So when I was out and about on the road

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