On the New Monopoly Token

It’s comforting to see that in this day and age, with so many important things happening in the world, the news organizations can take the time to report on a company’s ad campaign with such in-depth coverage. Thanks, news people. Now I know that the iron finally got the boot, allowing the cat to finally have a dog in the fight.

I’m looking forward to more cutting edge reporting in the future. Maybe we can finally get to the bottom of who really killed Mr. Body. I’ve heard so many different theories over the years. Colonel Mustard. Miss Scarlet. Billiard Rooms. Guns. Lead pipes. Wrenches. (Wrenches?) Or maybe we could have someone figure out what Professor Plum’s real name is, and why he’s so big on purple?

Better yet, someone ought to finally expose King Kandy for the despot he is. Look at him. Standing there like he owns the whole world.

Somebody’s got to take him down a rung or two. Him and Queen Frostine. What evidence do we really have that Lord Licorice is evil, after all? And what about poor Gloppy the Molasses Monster’s feeling. Monster? Maybe he’s just misunderstood. Maybe Gramma Nut’s been running a smear campaign on the poor guy.

And that’s not all. Why do they call it “Sorry” when no one really is? Why do Q and Z get all the points in Scrabble, leaving the poor vowels out in the cold? Why does sinking your opponent’s battleship not end the lousy game? Why do the lower numbers in Stratego beat the higher numbers? Who said it was okay to operate on every single bone in that poor guy’s body at once in Operation? And when will those poor poor hippos finally be free from their never-ending struggle for food?

Maybe I’m jumping the gun. Maybe more crack investigative reporting is on the way. And once board games are covered, we can move on to weightier matters. Like why the Hamburglar has never been caught.

In other news, I have nothing noteworthy to post about today. You may now resume with your normally scheduled activities.

2 thoughts on “On the New Monopoly Token”

  1. My reaction was similar, though I saw it through the Today Show, “Really? THAT’S the big news of the day? Free advertising for Parker Brothers I guess. Must be an NBC affiliate.”

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