Create Your Own Trump with this Handy Pop Culture Recipe!

I’ve been quiet on Trump for his first real week on the job. Not because I didn’t have anything to say about  him, but rather because there was so much to say I didn’t know where to begin. I’d already thought the man was as awful as you could get as far as prospective presidents went, but even I have been shocked by just how quickly he’s been able to screw up even the most basic of tasks. I’ve been trying to come up with some way of encapsulating just how terrible he’s already proven himself to be, and in the end, I’ve come up with four pop culture references that just might do the trick. Each of them doesn’t work to completely describe Trump as a whole, but added together, maybe the recipe works.

First, take one part Amelia Bedelia. (Except instead of funny misunderstandings, Trump’s purposefully screwing everything up as fast as he can. Also, I have yet to see a delicious cake or pie come from him that manages to make all his screw ups forgiven. That had better be one tasty pie.) Trump seems to have an innate ability shared by Amelia to take things that should be totally, completely simple and easy, and the screw them up in next to no time.

But Amelia is somehow always expected to do a good job. People keep putting her in charge and thinking the house won’t be in ruins before she comes home. Let’s be honest. Trump wasn’t like that. So many of us knew what he was going to do ahead of time. So to keep the recipe going, add in a good amount of Chunk (from The Goonies). Chunk’s the guy you give something to if you want it broken. Good ol’ reliable Chunk.

The problem is that Amelia and Chunk are both sympathetic characters. We like them, and any good recipe for a Trump is going to have to get rid of that trait pronto. The solution? Stir in some fava beans and a nice chianti.

Now we’re cooking with gas! Hannibal the Cannibal is just about where Trump’s morals lie. But the problem is he’s too personal. He operates on too small of a scale. We need to finish the recipe off with someone who really knows how to dominate an entire society.

Top it all off with Immortan Joe.

Let that simmer for an election campaign or two, and you’ll be all set!

But seriously, whether you view Trump as simply inept or as machiavellian, it all boils down to the same thing: he’s exploding this country, and he’s doing so as quickly and effectively as possible. If the end result is the same, how much does it matter if we got there through ineptitude or willful destruction?

I don’t know what to do with Trump. I don’t know how to maintain a steady effort against what he’s doing to this country. I have no desire to turn this blog into a steady drumbeat of anti-Trump messages. And maybe that’s some of what he’s up to. If he just keeps a steady firehose stream of awful spewing out, then there’s only so much of it people will have the desire or means to stop. Plenty of it will get through.

And how depressing is that?

So for now, I’m speaking up online where and when I can, but I’ll try to reserve blog posts for when things just get too terrible for me to stay silent. Thankfully it appears many many people are speaking up for me. Judging by my Facebook and Twitter feeds, many many others are shouting their discontent, and that many voices inevitably are heard. I have to believe that.

It’s what’s gotten me through the past week.

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