Florida Primary

So today’s the day. What all the pundits* have been hyping as “do or die” in the Republican primary. I’ve been following this here election pretty closely, and my choice comes down to one simple answer.

Mitt Romney or Barrack Obama.

Why Mitt? He’s the only presidential candidate who gave me a wedding present. That just shows you how on top of things Mitt is. Even back in 2001, he was already campaigning for my vote. I’m convinced that if he would just spend all his money buying people wedding presents instead of buying television time, he’d already have this election in the bag.

Why Obama? Because the man’s got a gift. When he gives a speech, he gives a *speech*. I don’t know anything about his policies, and so maybe this gut reaction will change over the course of the next ten months, but for now, he seems like he might actually have a shot at uniting people who right now are at odds with each other. Can’t we all just get along?

Of course, I’ve also made other decisions. The people I’d like to see in the presidency next year are (in order from most desired to least):

Mitt/Obama–As of today, I would vote for either of these guys, as explained above.Giuliani/McCain–I would vote for either of these guys if they were up against Hillary. Giuliani I have nothing strong against, but I think McCain’s run a dishonest campaign, and he’s stretched the facts too far for me. Yes, people can say Mitt’s stretched the facts, too. But McCain didn’t get me a wedding present. End of story.

Clinton–There’s no way I would ever vote for this woman. I don’t like the way the Clintons play politics, and I don’t want to see either of them anywhere near the White House ever again.

Huckabee–Even with my distaste for Senator Clinton, if Huckabee were the nominee–or the running mate of the nominee (judging by his apparent Man Crush on McCain)–I would not vote for him. That doesn’t mean I’d vote for Hillary–I just wouldn’t vote. Huckabee’s played the “I’m a preacher vote for me” holier than thou card way too many times. I think he’s a hypocrite, and he reminds me of the people in high school who would run for class president and have no platform other than “I can tell good jokes vote for me.” Don’t get me started on Huck. Seriously.

So I’m rooting for Mitt and Obama today. Of course, I think politics would be cooler if each candidate had to compete in some sort of sporting event. Can you just see “World’s Strongest Person: Presidential Edition” on ESPN2? Or how about a Presidential one on one basketball tournament. Winner take all. That would be awesome.

*Is it just me, or do you find it curious that “pundit” and “nitwit” seem like such similar words? Of course, “pundit” comes from the Hindi “pandit,” which means “learned man,” and “nitwit” is the lovechild of Germanic “niht,” meaning “nothing,” and Old English “weid,” meaning “to see.” So a nitwit literally is someone who sees nothing, which goes to show how prejudiced all those Old English German people were–making up names for blind people and stuff. And pundits today are also prejudiced most of the time, so it’s all come full circle. In a sense.

3 thoughts on “Florida Primary”

  1. You crack me up
    I was laughing so hard when I read your blog tonight. SO HILARIOUS! You echo my sentiments exactly, minus the fact that I probably wouldn’t vote for McCain . . . ever.
    We will be watching the news tonight for results. Thanks for the entertainment in the meantime.
    P.S. It’s mind-boggling the language origination education I get on your blog . . . simply amazing 😉

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