TRC graduated from preschool today. He was very excited (they performed a play–he was a frog. Again.), but he was also really sad. Sad because it had come to an end and “he’d never get to go to preschool again.” I tried to comfort him: reassure him that he’d still see his friends, and that Kindergarten would be fun, too. At the same time, though, I couldn’t help but think that this is something he has to learn to deal with. I’ve never been a good one for good byes. I like to keep them short, because they make me uncomfortable. There are probably deep seated psychological reasons for this, but you don’t want to read about this, and I don’t want to write about it. Suffice it to say, I could relate to him. For a long time, I hated watching family videos, just because I didn’t like to be reminded of what was past and could never be recovered. They still make me kind of depressed, although I can handle them now. This isn’t to say by any means that I’m not happy in the present. It’s more that I wish I could be happy in the present and still get back the past and be happy there, too.
I know that makes no sense.
In any case, I think he’s recuperating well. The thing that I’ve found that helps the most is to remember that today’s present will be tomorrow’s past. It’s a lot easier to deal with the loss of yesterday if I know that I spent that time well.
Okay–clearly I’m feeling too retrospective right now. I have no right to be posting when I’m in this condition. That is all.
It makes sense to me. There’s a line from Ella Enchanted that for some reason always makes me want to cry. (The book–not the movie.)
“You can never go back to a moment when you were happy.”
There’s only so much time in my life, and so I can’t do everything all the time. Plus, distance changes things. Other people’s personal growth changes things. My personal growth changes things. But sometimes I wish I could live my life all on top of itself, so I could have all the things I have now and all the things I used to have all at once.
For me, though, this is limited to things I’ve had as an adult. I have absolutely no desire to go back to being a child. That may be the product of how miserable I was for much of it.
Yeah–I have a very selective memory. I tend to repress those bad experiences very quickly. No desire to go back to them.
I’m more of a mess than my kids
I BAWLED at Kindergarten Graduation, and we were STAYING AT THAT SCHOOL. Mostly because it’s a big step to go to 1st grade. But K totally rocks. Seriously, the most fun they ever have. So excited for it next year.
And yes, you have deeply seated psycological issues. No disagreement on that either. 🙂
H
I generally assume that people reading my blog want to read about my deeply-seated (I always thought that was seeded?) psychological reasons for everything. Is there a deeply-seated psychological reason for why you assume the opposite?
Wow, I have never been sad at a graduation. Occasionally graduation has been a let down because I didn’t feel like “graduating” made any difference in my life, but never sad. Perhaps it is a lack of creativity. I really never thought about the things I wouldn’t get to do again. I was more likely thinking, “Just get this over with so I can move on.” Not being sad about graduations goes on my, very brief, list of the good things about living in the future.
Congrats to TRC!
Um . . . I blame Freud.
Thanks. He’s pretty much over it now. 🙂 And as for graduations and me–I didn’t even attend my final one. Just felt like a big hoop.
The historical figure or the fictional character?
Both. 🙂