Things I’d Rather Do than Watch the Republican Debates

There were some Republican debates last night, or so I gather from the interwebs today. I skipped watching them completely. Why? Because I’d rather do many many other things than waste my time listening to imbeciles like Donald Trump bloviate on television. What exactly would I rather do?

• Watch a Rainbow Brite marathon
• Compete in a “who can eat the most rancid meat?” food eating contest
• Fall asleep to a handy “fingernails on a chalkboard” track on repeat
• Jump into a pool full of ill-tempered sea bass
• Listen to a double disc compilation of “Donald Trump Sings the Bee Gees”
• Tattoo “Red Sox 4 Evar” across my forehead
• Surgically replace my right foot with a bowl of lime jello
• House train 15 rabid rottweilers at the same time
• Sign up as a guillotine tester at the start of the French Revolution

Is the depth of disdain I have for the Republican nomination process coming through accurately? Hopefully. True, most of it can be placed squarely at the smelly feet of Donald Trump, but Republicans are the ones giving that sorry excuse for a hairpiece mannequin a platform to talk from. The fact that anyone in this country is thinking for even a millisecond that this man might make a good president disappoints me to an indescribable extent.

Even the thought of wasting a blog post detailing what an idiot the man is leaves me with an oily, unclean feeling. I can’t bring myself to do it.

Please, Republicans. Throw your garbage out before it starts to stink up the entire country.

Although come to think of it, a Trump/Palin 2016 campaign would lead to some awfully amusing SNL skits . . .