Before We Judge People, We Should Try to Know Them

That’s a pretty lame title, I’ll admit, but I wasn’t sure how else to phrase it. As I’ve been watching the news and hearing the rhetoric from the Republican side of the aisle, I am continually disappointed in the lack of empathy, care, or understanding shown for people who are different from them. Whether it’s trans rights or the homeless or immigrants, there’s a real sense of “I’m completely right and you’re completely wrong” exuded by so many conservatives. This is especially discouraging because at the same time they’re making these arguments, they also claim to be advocating for the moral, “more Christian” point of view.

I understand the arguments. In their mind, “these people” are all lawbreakers and sinners, ready to corrupt the country with their evil influences. And it is very easy to maintain this point of view if you make it a point never to associate with anyone who might threaten it. If a loved one comes out as gay or trans, cast them out of your house. Disown them, so they understand how awful they are, and how you have to make a “stand for what’s right.” Sometimes tough love is what’s needed, they argue. If you see someone in your neighborhood who looks different than you, stay away from them. Surround yourselves by people who agree with you, look like you, think like you, talk like you, and label anyone who doesn’t as wrong or evil, instead.

(Note, this doesn’t just apply to Trump supporters. Democrats and Independents risk falling into the same trap if they follow the same pattern. Find out someone voted for Trump? Yell at them. Call them names. Ignore them. Because that’s the only way they’ll learn how wrong they are? No. Wrong is wrong, and as long as we all keep separating ourselves into us and them, these factions will only fester.)

I wish people would, instead, get to truly know someone before they decide to judge them and people like them en masse. How many Trump supporters have actually gotten to know a trans person? Have talked to them to the point that they understand who they are and why they’ve made the decisions they have? Because the rhetoric coming from the Right is so, so disappointing. They are trying to reduce an incredibly difficult, thorny topic to a simple black and white issue.

Men aren’t “becoming women” so they can win at sports or sneak into women’s bathrooms or locker rooms. When you look at the incredibly difficult decision made by people to take these steps, I don’t see how anyone can argue it’s being done for such frivolous reasons. Perhaps there have been examples of it that I’m not aware of, but if there are, those examples are hardly representative of the whole.

When Christ was on the earth, He was accused of being a friend of sinners. It was one of the justifications people used to ignore whatever it was Christ preached. Christ wasn’t a friend of sinners because He sat around sinning with them. In Mark 2:16-17, we read “And when the scribes and Pharisees saw him eat with publicans and sinners, they said unto his disciples, How is it that he eateth and drinketh with publicans and sinners? When Jesus heard it, he saith unto them, They that are whole have no need of the physician, but they that are sick: I came not to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.”

(Of course, part of His point is that all of us are sinners. The Pharisees had just as much need of His teachings as the “sinners,” even though their sins might have been better hidden.)

But Christ didn’t keep Himself separate from those who needed His help. He got to know them. He became their friend. And He loved them. Instead of casting people out and publicly shaming them, He lifted them up. Inspired them. In other words, even if you assume LGBTQ+ people are in need of repentance, that’s only further cause to get to know them better. Not so you can eventually pull the rug out from under them, but so you can help them, and they can help you. I guarantee you they are doing some things better than you are, because that’s how humans are. We all have strengths and weaknesses.

I suppose the fear conservatives have is that sin is like a disease. That if you rub elbows with those who sin, you in turn will sin yourself. That one day they’ll wake up, and they’ll want to change genders themselves. And if you believe that, then the solution is to stamp out that sin wherever you find it. But the only time in the scriptures Christ really became angry was when He drove out the money changers from the temple. People who were using religion as a way to make personal gains. I’ll leave that observation to stand for itself.

I’m not saying any of these issues are simple and straightforward. I realize how thorny they are, and how making governmental policy around them goes beyond religion (as it should). But anyone who tries to paint it as a color-by-number issue is showing a lack of understanding.

When I lived in Utah, it was much easier to fall into this trap, mainly because most of the people I associated with were like me. When I moved to Maine and began to work at a very progressive, liberal-leaning institution, I no longer had that luxury. And the 17 years since have definitely changed my point of view. I suppose there are some who have argued I’ve allowed myself to become sullied somehow through that process. I don’t see it that way.

And I guess I’ll leave it at that.